(spits out chewed popcorn into napkin) BARTLEBY Impossible. I'll hold true in Heaven." BARTLEBY So if the Pope says it's so, God must adhere. LOKI (beat; extends hand) Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results. BARTLEBY One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter the first Pope by the Son of God before He left was "Whatever you hold true on earth..." LOKI " ... Like you said - we pass through the arch and we're forgiven anyway They step up to an elevator and press the button. All that matters is that after all these years, we've found a loophole. And once we're back in, I'm sure He'll just forgive and forget. Church laws are fallible because they're created by man. (reading article) And this Mooby deninitely falls under that heading.

Figure skater stripping-20

The three skaters cease their beating and check the Old Man's pulse. OC LOKI Organized religion destroys who we are or who we can be by inhibiting our actions and decisions out of fear of an intangible parent-figure who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says "No, no! Loki saddles up beside him, kneeling on one of the seats, facing the Nun. A passerby tries to stick money in her can, but she yanks it away. But it doesn't matter at this moment because they're both so relieved to be with one another. I just wish they could all feel that way more offen. BARTLEBY (snatches article) Give me this (getting up; reading) "The Re-dedication of Saint Michael's Church on it's hundredth anniversary is the kickoff of a new campaign that seeks to bring the Catholic Church back into the mainstream.

Satisfied, they skate away, leaving his crumpled form on the boardwalk. LOKI Leaving 'Alice in Wonderland' aside, look closely at 'Through the Looking Glass' - particularly 'The Walrus and the Carpenter' poem: what's the metaphorical meaning? LOKI Oh, but there is - it colorfully details the sham that is organized religion. LOKI 'Through the Looking Glass' - a children's tale? Loki faces the proper direction in his seat and plops down beside the still-transfixed Bartleby. LOKI Maybe if someone gave them free bags of peanuts more often they would. With a papal sanction, the archway entrance to the centuryold, Jersey shore house of worship will serve as a passageway of pleanry indulgence, which - according to Catholic beliefs - offers all who pass through it's arches a morally clean slate." (looks at Loki) You still don't get it, do you?

INT AIRPORT - DAY LOKI walks beside a NUN in a semi-busy terminal. The Walrus - with his girth and good-nature - obviously refers to either the Buddha, or - with his tusks - the lovable Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. The Carpenter is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was purportedly raised the son of a carpenter. BARTLEBY (looking OC) Here's what I don't get about you: you know for a fact that there is a God. A reunited FAMILY share a group hug and move on, making way for two young LOVERS to embrace and kiss passionately. Now what was so friggin' important that I had to miss cartoons this morning?

DOGMA EXT ASBURY PARK BOARDWALK - DAY Jersey spring day. His face belies good years gone by - a face that has seen more sunrises than one would suspect. The two other skaters begin savagely beating on him with their hockey sticks, as he crumbles beneath them. the Walrus and the Carpenter shuck and devour the helpless creatures, en masse. (off donation can) Leave this for the unenlightened. OC BARTLEBY (reading) "Mooby the Golden Calf- Creating an Empire Out of Simplicity." Loki wipes his mouth and nods to the article. LOKI What better way to show I've repented than by resuming the position I denied... BARTLEBY A killing spree is not going to make things better for us.

Beyond the wooden planks that make up the aged fun pier, the ocean waves crash into the sandy shoreline. Sun-worshipers hours away from besmirching the dunes. He inhales the crisp, salty air and lets a small, satisfied smile cross his face. a large arcade with steel shuttered doors sits on the boardwalk. The skates of the three hockey playing youths skid to a halt. Repeatedly their blades crash down hard on his head. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following faiths based on these mythological figures insures the destruction of one's inner-being. Poverty is for the gullible - it's another way the church is trying to control you. LOKI (spits out chewed popcorn into trash can) Sounds thin. BARTLEBY It's rarely employed, but it's legitimate. LOKI So you're saying you and I can walk through this doorway and go back home?

Three young boys skate around by on roller blades, passing a street hockey ball between them proficiently. We pan up to their faces - now cold and dispassionate. OC VOICE I don't understand - how can you base your lack of belief in God on the writings Lewis Caroll? BARTLEBY sits amongst a row of seats by one of the arrival gates. A steady stream of TRAVELERS, exiting the gate, meeting lovedones, family. (beat; shocked; off her cassock) What have I been doing with my life...? You take that money you've been collecting for your parish reconstruction and go get yourself a nice piece of ass. The Nun nods at him, and saunters off, obviously grappling with something. BARTLEBY If you walk through the church's front door on the day of the Re-dedication ceremony, your soul is wiped clean of any and all existing sin, moreso than the sacrament of penance could ever offer. BARTLEBY No - by passing through the doors, our sins are forgiven. The Old Man exhales violently and falls to his knees. (chews popcorn) BARTLEBY (steps on conveyor belt) You'd rather stay down here for a few more eons? And what if we can, but this archway thing doesn't pan out? And if we die with clean souls, there's no way to keep us out. LOKI There's just one thing I think I should do before we leave - something that'Il get us back on His good side. Loki smiles and starts rifling through his pockets. LOKI This is something I've been dreaming about for five years now. The crumpled article displays a Barney-like gold-hued cow, alongside various profit charts and text. (crumples article) We're mere days away from getting back, and you want to jeopardize it because you have a soft spot for the good ol' days?! We're talking about punishing the wicked, raining down fire and brimstone. You've been in his presence, he's talked to you personally. LOKI C'mon man - you know I don't believe any of that shit I was telling her. OC BARTLEBY All that tension, all that anger and mistrust, forgotten for one perfect moment when they come off that plane. The guy doesn't even know that the girl cheated on him while he was away. If it was to share in your half-assed obsessions with Hallmark moments, I'm going to slug you. I just like to fuck with the clergy; keep 'em on their toes. (looks around) Now here's what I don't get about you: why do you feel the need to come here all the time? BARTLEBY (still looking OC) You're never going to believe this: we're going home. BARTLEBY (pulls out envelope) Look what somebody sent us in the mail. When her head stops spinning, she'll be facing the way of the Just again. (hands him a newspaper article and corn) LOKI Did you say we're going home? (reads) "Cardinal Glick Cuts Ribbon on 'Catholicism - Wow!